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In the end, a willingness to share those feelings is what creates a happy and secure relationship.No amount of money, influence, power or education can give you that.Still, the day after I turned 40, I decided to fire up an old profile and see what happened.
Farmers reminded me that what I'm looking for in a city slicker is something pure and simple In case you haven't heard, there's an online dating site called Farmers Only, which boasts the tagline, "City folks just don't get it! It's a meal and a toothpick all in one."So, with all that being said, I decided to give Farmers Only a good ole country shot.
"When a friend told me about the site recently as a joke, I thought it sounded hilarious, sure, but I was also intrigued. There's something so manly and authoritative about a guy saying, "F*ck it. Related: 10 Dating Tips I REALLY Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single Phase 1: City Girl Seeks Country Cowboyvia GIPHYI clicked into the third page of matches, and since I'd sorted the men by age, youngest to oldest, I found that the guys on page three were a little too old for me, but no less sweet than the others.
But now I'm encountering divorcees and mid-life crises and men who themselves lie about their ages and cheekily confess, "Haha, just hoping you'd be so charmed by the time you clicked that it wouldn't matter! Like me, she straddles the digital divide; we remember a time before DOS, but not a lot of dating without the accompanying click and beep of a modem.
"I'd call it a slow attrition of diminishing returns," Chelsea said about dating in NYC.
Before now, the single men I wanted to date weren't interested in nubile twenty-somethings — at least not exclusively — and even in my mid-thirties competition from younger women didn't concern me.
I had time, and if someone wanted to get up in my grill about having kids eventually, well, my mom had me when she was 38 and I turned out mostly okay. Summers, who is 54, is firmly in favor of skimming a few years off one's age, though always coming correct with current photos.Data scientist Dale Markowitz wrote via email, "When it comes to receiving quality messages on Ok Cupid (that is, first messages that turn into conversations), there is no penalty to being 40 or over.In fact, the proportion of men to women on Ok Cupid grows with age; women over 40 get on average more messages than women under 40, and have the pick of the litter, so to speak."If Markowitz is right, then perhaps being 40 could be to my advantage.There was the ex who brutally dumped me but wouldn't stop emailing me for months, whose presence at dorky work gatherings made me dizzy; the sociopathic film critic whose shoulder I virtually cried on; the go-nowhere first dates; and the great, wide swaths of time spent single, usually pining after some unavailable director or writer who'd relish my attention and nothing else. There were a few things that sent me into a panic about turning 40, but the biggest — looming larger than the golden ring of a book deal or a staff job or, like, finally going back to yoga — was what it meant for me to still be single and actively looking for a partner at that age. If you're not familiar with the exciting world of online dating, sites and apps let you set search parameters that range from location to body type to education and, yes, age range.Not so much even that I was single, but that I and what that implied. There are plenty of things I simply do not give a single solitary fuck about when it comes to what women my age are supposed to be doing. Just as there are movies on Netflix you might never stumble across in your bleary-eyed scrolling, there are plenty of people you might never see through some whim of programming code.In the context of dating, those ages felt a lot less damning than 40; they felt a lot more viable. As ambivalent as I am about having my own children, there's something haunting about that scene from where Marisa Tomei stomps her foot about her biological clock ticking.My clock didn't begin ticking louder when I turned 40, but the echo of her boots on the floor did."I feel as if I make out with a guy and tell a guy I'd like to enjoy sexual congress, he should be stoked.I had about a year-long run of being semi-seduced by men to have them hightail it, like scared little bunnies.A wise man once told me, 'A man is someone who shows his emotions, a coward is someone who hides them.' It has never failed me and has brought me great success." How beautiful.Dating in my twenties and thirties made me feel like Odysseus, trying to choose between dashing myself on the ego-bruising rocks of casual romps or a slow death from unrequited lust for garbage humans.